TODAY IN STUFF MY BOYFRIEND SAID TO ME THIS WEEKEND:



"Wait...are you getting religion?"

"I have to torture you in the morning because that's when your defenses are low."

ME: If I am in a coma, let me die.
HIM: No.

TODAY IN FUCK THIS ALREADY:

I registers on The Knot for the "wedding" that I am going be having and they created a "to do" list for me.



(Close Up)



Yep. 368 items to do. I assume they include:

- Pre-lacing my bath towels
- Sanitizing my lips for church kissing
- Setting up a series of tests for my girlfriends to determine who deserves to be a bridesmaid the most
- Chasing unicorns to grind their horns into a special wedding powder

Jokes on them. I don't have any girlfriends!

TODAY IN CRAVINGS:

I am craving both bologna and duck liver pate.

Not sure what that means at all.

TODAY IN HALLOWEEN TRADITIONS AND ACCIDENTS

Justin and I had a very traditional Halloween by eating sushi and buying the double set DVD of "Romancing the Stone" and "The Jewel of the Nile". We made it through the first movie and decided to enjoy some of the awesome extras (including a piece called "Michael Douglas Remembers", obviously the best title ever to anything. Ever.)

We clicked on "A Hidden Treasure" , a featurette about the screenwriter Diane Thomas. Apparently she had been plucked from obscurity (AKA waitressing) when Michael Douglas bought her screen play for $250,000 in 1984.

Then shit got weird. I am going to paraphrase here, but this is basically what Michael Douglas said.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS; (talking to the camera) I Bought Diane a Porsche as a present. She came over to show me the new Porsche I got her, and that was the last time I saw her. Three weeks later she crashed it and died.

Um.

UM.....

Michael Douglas...you should not tell people that story.

TODAY IN BASEBALL:



Isn't it so sad that they canceled the World Series? I mean, it's just not the same with out a world series to watch on TV. I never thought I'd see the day when MLB were just like...well, no teams deserve it and instead of letting two horrible teams play each other, we'll just cancel the whole thing. But here we are...no World Series.

No World Series to watch this year. :(

TODAY IN SHOCKINGLY BAD ACCIDENTS:

Yesterday my mother's cat Marvin bit her so badly that she had to go to the hospital and get an IV drip of antibiotics. Apparently, cat’s teeth are so sharp that when they bite the hole just closes up behind the fang depositing all sorts of bacterium. Thankfully, she is fine. At least the last time I heard from her. But it does make you think of all the threats in your life that you didn’t even consider. Like…

Pillows: They could suffocate you in your sleep.

Couches: It could fall over and trap you underneath.

Tweezers: While plucking you eyebrows you could trip and stab your eye out.

Shoes: What if they had a bunch of tacks in there?

Pots and/Or pans: Falling on head potential is high.

Oven: Trip and fall into it.

Stove top: Try to make popcorn and you trip and fall face first into it.

Neighbors: Murderers?

Front Steps: Suddenly lava?

The Street: Could open up and enable you to fall down into the earth! Again- lava?

Sweaty palms: Fall to grasp a railing, plunge to death on…

Stairs: See above.

Subway doors: Slam on your face/Baby.

Coffee: To hot!!

Chicken: Under cooked.

Fish Stick: Poisoned?

Cockroach: What if it CRAWLS in your mouth at night?

My Coworker: Just look at him.

God. I’m amazed that I’ve lived this long.

Sure, it's been a long time. Maybe you even thought that it was dead forever! Or at least turned into a blog about unemployment! But NO!

Phaea's Blog Lives Again!

And to celebrate it's resurrection here is a list of things that I think should be laid to rest forever:

- The phrase "side-boob". My boyfriend and friends tell me it's a really awesome thing, but it never doesn't creep me out. The phrase I mean. The actual boob situation always make me think there was a taping malfunction.

- Celebrities who are anti-women being super vocal in gay rights movements. Lady Gaga, who told Entertainment Weekly that she wasn't a feminist and Joe Francis JOE FRANCIS both have spoke and marched at Gay rights rallies. Obviously, I am pro-gay rights...but guys...ladies are people too.

- Yahoo mail changing it's format every 2 weeks to try to be more like gmail and twitter. I know, it serves me right for still being on yahoo mail, but does my loyalty get me nothing?

- America's Next Top Model. Because it is designed to be addictive and last night it was in my dreams. And I was a confused contestant. And Tyra Banks told me that she used to have my hair cut but she was over it. It was..unsettling.

- Michael Jackson drama. I acknowledge that I am the only human on earth who wasn't into his music, but I just can't do it anymore. I am so tired of it I read a whole article on Mindy McCready and I don't even know who that is.

- Bar trivia nights that take 4 hours. You know who you are.